Tuesday, February 24, 2009

Remember Middle School

Awkward. 


Remember middle school?  
Or maybe you are trying to forget it, like me.
I can't speak much for guys, but for girls middle school is a time of making new friends, losing friends, being left out ---- trying to fit in, tears, laughter, sleepovers, and not getting invited.



Recently, through the wonderful re-connecting tool known as Facebook, two former middle school girlfriends re-connected.  Here's how it went down...


Background note:
"She was the best friend (my age) I had always hoped for. We loved the same things, I got to try new things with her, and I felt like she got to try new things with me. We spent all of our time together, sleepovers pretty much every weekend and glued at the hip at school. We shared secrets and tried to figure out growing up together.


But then, well, I I think other people got in the way of our friendship. -- I really don't know?  Something went bad and more than blame her I think I want to blame our other "friends" that really weren't friends at all.  Regardless,  middle school drama prevailed and we stopped being friends, and I didn't understand why.


We tried to hold on to our friendship for a year, but it just didn't work.  By the beginning of 8th grade it was gone, and well, it was pretty much bad for all of 7th grade too :( but either way-- I lost one of my best friends...to the "dark side" of girl drama when I needed her most--but, we were middle schoolers --- that's what happens."


Facebook message:

From your status looks like you’re working a marathon of shifts this week! I hope it's going alright and that you aren't completely sleep deprived. What level or department do you work in? I am so jealous that you already have a job and income, etc. I envy you so much for that! The guts it must have taken to go so far from home, try something so new, and then stay away and work- very cool...you're so independent!

I was just looking at your blog and your mom's blog...you two are so savvy!
I just think it is so neat and rare, the relationship your entire family has and the friendship you share with your mom. 

I basically wanted to write you to apologize again...I still just can't get over how mean and how bitchy I was in the past. I see your profile, your pictures, and see how you just thrive through life...you did know what you were talking about all along when we were young...that being popular did/does not matter, that being personally happy was/is the best thing! I just do regret and feel ashamed for my actions and words toward someone who was simply just being a good friend.

I am going to be doing field work for at a local middle school in March. I got placed in the 7th grade and met with my teacher yesterday. Walking into that building as an adult is a whole different story and it brought back so many memories-many with you!
 
I hope to work with children of this age because I tore through not only middle school but high school too...as awkwardly, gawky, and adolescent as I could. I just still feel so bad for my stupid actions! I am sorry.
I think more than anything I was jealous of how comfy you were in your own skin, that you had parents who were a constant in your life (versus mine who were/are simply just a financial support), etc.

Really when you do come home next...if you have a minute...we should get dessert or dinner...I miss you! I have gotten a new phone that WORKS, thankfully.

let me know...hope your weekend gives you much sleep!

--CS


RESPONSE:
Dear CS,  


Please know that you are forgiven 100% and no need to apologize...we were all trying to figure life out, it's what high school, and middle school are for, it makes us who we are today.

With that being said, I would absolutely love to get together with you the next time I'm home, which I’m hoping will be sometime in May, if I can swing it with work.
 

I was extremely touched by your e-mail and read it to my mom.
  She knows pretty much all about my life...and as for independent...well, I talk to her almost everyday!  ...How’s that for independent? 
Hope you have a good weekend.
--CD

Note: (from CD)
Today I find much encouragement from my middle school friend.  We have both grown and learned from the situation. I am so looking forward to having lunch with her soon.

Mom, you watched me cry...and asked those tough questions like "What do you want in a friend?  What do you expect from your friends?, and Is she really worth hanging on to?".  


Ya know, I haven't had to break up with a boyfriend, and I've never been in love, but I'm pretty sure losing a best friend not to death-- but just losing-- has got to be about the same thing, with the same feelings.  Because I have definitely had my heart broken, just not by a  boy!  Maybe that's why I'm so cautious when it comes to boys, because I know how bad it hurts when you lose a friend, and I can't imagine it being a man I love.

Commentary:
The middle school years were very tough years for our daughter.  My heart broke for my little girl -- and I was a tad bit angry at God myself during those years.  You see, one of my prayers for my children from the time they were young was for good friends....best friends.  I also have prayed for future spouses...but girls especially, we need girlfriends.


Years after our daughter struggled with losing a best friend, I faced the same situation....and felt her pain for the first time.  That's when I realized that either I was re-living middle school drama as a 40-something woman....or well, that's what happens in life sometimes.


That's when a girl has to put her trust in God, pull up her boot straps, and walk through some mud until she finds some good friends.


I've walked through the mud.....and my boots are off now.  I've been given the gift of some pretty amazing and wonderful girlfriends over the last couple years!  Sometimes I have to pinch myself to make sure I'm not dreaming! 

Girlfriends....let's give some shout-outs to our girlfriends....and some hugs and congrats to the renewing of friendships!  Thanks C & C!!!  Love you both!

3 comments:

  1. Mom you really have a way with words, and wow, have i learned a lot! I'm so happy that i have a mom who loved me inspite and despite all of it! I almost cried here at work, not for the hurt but for the happiness at the women we have become :)

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  2. Great testimony to what a great girl Cara was, and awesome young lady she's become.

    I'm so glad we are all done with that non-sense.

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  3. woooow that took me FOREVER to realize that the first note was to cara! i thought it was to you. i was SO confused! anyways - good blog :)

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